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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?